Another Way to Raise a Strong Child 

 November 2, 2015

By  Laura Kosloff

“Raising strong kids.” That was the theme recently for a website inviting writers’ submissions. I don’t know what articles the website organizers ended up choosing from the proposals they received. I do know that I’ve got a way to raise strong children that most people just don’t think about.

One way to raise a “strong child” is to expose them early to other cultures. There are several ways to do that, and families can and should choose what works best for them. Readers of my blog can guess that I will advocate hosting an exchange student as one way to expose your own children – and yourselves – to other cultures. You can also encourage your child to study abroad in high school, college, or graduate school to immerse themselves in another culture.

How does study abroad or becoming a volunteer host family for a foreign teenager contribute to the development of strong children? They learn how others think, which makes them realize the world does not always think as they do. They learn how to deal with difficult situations, whether it be through living with someone adjusting to life in a foreign country or through being the student experiencing culture shock themselves. They learn the value of tolerance of other cultures.

We have raised two children who are growing into strong young adults. There certainly are many reasons why they are maturing into decent, strong human beings. But I believe one factor that contributed to who they are today has been their exposure, one-on-one, to people from other countries in a personal living situation. Our children – now aged 21 and 23 – spent their pre-teen and teenaged years living with students from Europe, Asia, and South America. Daily life with someone from Germany, Colombia, and Hong Kong forced them to think about how people from Germany, Colombia, and Hong Kong communicate and live. It caused them to revise how they themselves communicate to others and, I hope, instilled a sense of tolerance towards people who are different.

BASICS International, where Marcus worked

We saw the positive changes that resulted from living abroad – resulting in a “stronger” young man — in our younger son, an African-American who grew up in a Caucasian family. At the age of 18, shortly after graduating from high school, Marcus went on an exchange program to Ghana in West Africa. He worked as a teaching assistant in an after-school program in a truly poverty-stricken area and lived with a host family in Accra, the capital city. Even his living situation, in a middle-class section of the city, was a complete “culture shock” as compared to his life in Oregon. When we went to visit towards the end of his six-month exchange, we watched as our quiet, avoid-conflict, don’t-talk-if-you-can-avoid-it son haggled loudly and insistently with a taxi driver who he felt was cheating his American parents. In the three years since, we have seen more evidence of the impacts of his experience in his growing self-confidence, increased ability to deal with tough issues at college, determination to succeed in spite of learning disabilities, and less fear of unknown situations.

He won’t succeed at everything in life; none of us do. But this is definitely a win-win for him and for us as a family.

American families should consider hosting an exchange student, and American students should make study abroad a priority themselves. Understanding how it can benefit your family is not something that writers and bloggers on international cultural exchange usually focus on. Instead, I see quite a bit of what a wonderful experience it can be to share one’s culture. This is true, and I’ve written about that myself. But the benefits to one’s own family are significant, too. Hosting a student, or studying abroad yourself – or both — teaches you how to adapt to life in a new environment on your own. You learn how to share, how to communicate in difficult situations, and how to deal with homesickness or to help someone who is homesick or struggling in a foreign environment. You learn appreciation for your own world, your own family, and your own community. Our students and our host families deal with these issues on a daily basis. It sticks with you.

“Studying abroad is, first and foremost, an instructive exercise in failure. . . . the lesson you learn — that initial setbacks, patience and work are the prerequisites for eventual success — is more important than an A in Calculus. That lesson can’t be taught. It must be learned firsthand.“

— Patrick Stephenson, former speechwriter for the NATO secretary-general, Why High School Students Should Study Abroad.

Photo credits: Greg Rakozy and BASICS International

    • Thanks for the comment! That’s exactly what we think, too. We watched how our own son grew during his exchange, and as host parents and coordinators it’s been an amazing experience to watch the students we’ve hosted and supervised as they mature during their 6 or 10 months abroad here in the U.S.

  • Yes on all of this. We have learned so much as host parents, and as counselors to exchange students, and I am excited for my own kids to go on exchange. I can’t think of any better way for a young person to gain the kind of confidence and self assurance they do through this experience.

    In a world where university professors are bemoaning the kind of students helicopter parents are producing, former exchange students are a breath of fresh air.

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