1. Make a copy of your student’s passport and insurance information.
For many of us, our first thought when thinking about “teens” and “important documents” is that those words do not belong in the same sentence. As host parents, we used to immediately put our exchange students’ passports into the house safe. Revised federal regulations don’t allow that anymore; students must have possession of their passports and visas. I now recommend that host parents and students find a safe place in the student’s bedroom where the student can keep his or her passport and other important documents. I would make a copy of the student’s passport, visa, and insurance information. Carry the insurance information with you, as you would carry in your wallet insurance information for your own child. If your student has an accident on the ski slopes, you don’t want to be calling all over creation trying to find the student’s insurance ID and group number while he is screaming in pain.
2. Don’t give your exchange student preferential treatment; treat your student as a member of the family.
This can be really hard for new host parents to do. The natural tendency is to treat the student as a guest – give them leeway, not too much responsibility, and maybe the rules for your own children shouldn’t apply to them. After all, they are used to different rules in their own home and you should respect that, right? If your own children brought a friend home for a day or two, you wouldn’t expect that friend to obey all your house rules or to do house chores. The same should apply with the exchange student, right?
Emphatically, no! We do respect that students are used to different rules and customs, of course. Your program liaison/coordinator can help advise your student on what kinds of rules to expect in a family in your community, and can advise you on how to help the student adjust to your rules and lifestyle. That’s the key: an exchange student needs to learn how to follow your rules as a member of your family in your community. This may not always be easy for the teen, and we do need to allow for an adjustment period. But in the end: high school exchange students are not here on a vacation. They are here to go to an American school, live in a real American family, and learn what it is like to live as an American teen, also so they can really get to know our culture. (The same, in reverse, applies to American students going to other countries on exchange programs; it works both ways.) Successful host families are able to move quickly beyond the “what a nice young man he is” phase to the “take out the garbage, please, and oh yes, don’t forget to walk the dog before you go to the movies!” phase.
3. Contact your exchange student’s teachers so they know who the host family is and can contact you if needed.
U.S. government regulations require that high school exchange students pass all their classes. Teens often think this will be easy, and may be genuinely dumbfounded when a progress report arrives at their host family’s home with a D or an F in a given class. The exchange programs take failing grades seriously, and in rare cases a student may face an early return to her home country if she cannot keep up. As with our own children, communication with and information from the teachers and school contributes to a student’s success. If you know that your student is having difficulty in a class at school, you can better advise your student on what to do. Consult with your program liaison to see if he or she has some advice and together you can make a plan for the student’s success.
4. Set expectations for your exchange student about chores. It’s OK to assign jobs, and it’s a good idea!
Some host parents are hesitant to assign chores or regular jobs to their students. They feel it’s an imposition – “it’s not like he’s my own son, after all.” (Answer: yes, he is, for the time he is living in your home!) Some host parents feel that if they don’t have express, specified tasks for their own children, it’s not reasonable to start an express list for the exchange student. (Answer: try to remember that your own children have figured out what’s expected after 10, 12, or 15 years; your exchange student does not have that family knowledge.) Some host parents feel that it’s not fair to make a student mow the lawn on top of getting used to a new culture, immersion in English, a new school, and a new community. (Answer: yes, it is “fair”; it’s what they signed up for! They’re here to learn what American teens’ life is like, and that may include mowing the lawn, emptying the dishwasher, and cleaning the bathroom.)
Successful host families understand that communicating expectations is critical to setting up a relationship with a new member of the family – and that continuing to communicate and talk about one’s lifestyle and customs will help, too. The students want to help, and let’s be honest – most of them are used to walking the dog, emptying the dishwasher, taking out the trash, or keeping their room (reasonably) tidy. There may be cultural differences around the world — but “chores” is a universal!
5. Encourage your exchange student to do school activities, sports. Great way to meet people, learn school spirit!
Host parents are sometimes hesitant to require that their student do something outside the academic requirements of the high school; they may feel it’s not their place to require something of a child who is not their own. The student may be hesitant, too, to sign up for something. This is especially true if he or she has never done the activity before. Even if he has participated in a sport or other activity, he may be nervous about signing up here in the U.S., not knowing how U.S. schools organize teams, or what the expectations are in an American high school sport, music group, or theater/drama club. It’s certainly our job as parents – and host parents, and local coordinators — to encourage independence and a move towards adult decision-making in our students. The truth, however, is that teens sometimes may need a nudge in that direction. For an exchange student, getting involved in a non-academic high school activity can be a critical step towards becoming part of the high school community. It’s hard – not impossible, certainly, but hard – to make friends in the classroom itself. So encourage (or even require) your student to do something outside the classroom, whether it be joining the school soccer team, signing up for a chess club, joining a martial arts class, or signing up for an acting class through the parks and recreation department.
