One of the hardest things an exchange student or a host family may face is sharing information that might result in the student moving to a new family. We are talking about real life things. Things like a host parent or sibling being very ill. A host parent losing his or her job. Students discovering they have an allergy to the family’s pet — a pet they may already love. At the harder end of the scale, a student may find that a host sibling is involved with drugs or alcohol, or learn that a host parent has a drug or alcohol problem.
These are some of the hardest relationship issues that we as exchange coordinators have to deal with. A student or host parent coming forward to talk to us may not know what the result will be. Students may be shocked when we tell them that we may have to move them out of their host family. They think, somehow, that by telling us about the issue we can simply make it go away.
Oh, how we wish that could always be the case! Much as we would like to wave a magic wand and have the problem disappear, however, it’s just not possible. Even if a local coordinator believes, based on what the issue seems to be and what the coordinator knows about the student and family, that it should be fine to leave the student in the family, we can’t just assume that is the case. We have to look into it. The Department of State requires detailed communication and investigation to help make sure that students are safe.
We do take every case individually. Students and families may not see what goes on behind the scenes. They sometimes feel as though exchange organizations make snap judgments. This is far from the truth. Rather, we talk to the people involved, and often program staff in the organization’s main office will also talk to everyone as well. A program counselor or the student’s school might be involved, depending on the issue.
Not all cases will end with the student remaining in the family even if that is what students or families want. Sometimes, the investigation will result in a conclusion that it’s best for everyone if we move the student. If a host parent or a host sibling really does have an alcohol problem, for example, our student could be put into jeopardy, and that obviously is critical to the decision. We’re also concerned about whether a family needs to focus on their child’s or the parent’s health.
When a host mom of ours got breast cancer a few years back, we talked to her and asked her how she felt about having the exchange student remain in the home during her treatment. We talked to her husband and asked him what he thought about taking care of her and their children as well as their exchange student. We talked to the student, who said that this was his family. And we talked to his host siblings, who said “he’s our brother.” The program talked to the student’s parents back home. In this case, the decision was for the student to stay in the home.
These tough issues aren’t theoretical for us, or just situations that happened in the past. Even in the past two weeks, we’ve had cases going in both directions. In one case, the facts resulted in a decision to move the student. In the other, the responses of the host parents, student, host siblings, and parents back home resulted in a conclusion that it was all right for the student to remain in the home.
In both cases, we give credit to our students, who knew that the important thing was to talk to their coordinator about their concern. We know how hard that was for them…at this time of year, after less than two months, they don’t really know their coordinators yet. They may only have seen them a couple of times, perhaps talked on the phone once or twice as well. But they had listened to the program telling them before they left their home country about the importance of communicating, and what the role was of their local contact. They listened, it seems, when we talked about that at our beginning-of-the-year welcome meeting.
It always comes back to that one simple word: communication. The sooner the better in these cases, since that offers more opportunities to (hopefully) fix whatever the issue might be. We urge students and host families to talk to your coordinator as soon as you find out about any issue. Let us help you to have a positive exchange experience!